TOM & CYNDEE
BROWNERQUAD CITIES REAL ESTATE WITH RE/MAX
SERVING THE ENTIRE IOWA AND ILLINOIS QUAD CITIES ............................................................
DAVENPORT - BETTENDORF - ROCK ISLAND - MOLINE AND SURROUNDING COMMUNITIES
TOM & CYNDEE
BROWNER
CRS, ABR, GRI, e-PRO, CRB, MRA
BROKER OWNERS - RE/MAX Bi-STATE
563-388-0008 Office - 563-570-7629 Cyndee's Cell - 563-343-1092 Tom's Cell
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EVERYONE NEEDS A LAUGH. HOPE YOU ENJOY THESE JOKES
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NEW:
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one
dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I
think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on
beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's
who you got
to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect Outside, I think some kind of plastic
surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not
me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes in the back of her
head.
CONSERVATIVES CHOICE FOR
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS & RESOURCES
------------------------------------------
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
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MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
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THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
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Sequel Hit Novel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
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THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
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THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
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THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
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BLACK YACHTSMEN I'VE KNOWN
FUND RAISER FOR OUR AMERICA'S CUP ENTRY
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HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
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MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
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TO ALL THE MEN WE'VE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
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GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
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THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
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MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
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HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
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MY BOOK OF MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
Foreword by Tiger Woods with John Edwards
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HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS
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JUST ADDED: MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE OF MILITARY STRATEGY
By Nancy Pelosi
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And the shortest book of them all
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
WHY DIDN'T WE HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM?
The
other day, someone at a store in a small town read that a
I was drug to church on Sunday morning.
I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
I
was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the
I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
I
was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told
I
was drug to the kitchen sink if I uttered a profane four-letter
I
was drug out to pull weeds in mom's garden and flowerbeds and
I
was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help
Those
drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in
Can I get an Amen to that!
_________________________________________________________________________________________
YOU PROBABLY LIVE IN IOWA OR SHOULD IF:
If your Dairy Queen is closed November through March
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year or if you are proud that your area makes the national news 96 days a year for being the coldest or hottest spot in the nation.
If someone in a store offers to assist you and they don't work there.
If you have have more than one boat in your yard.
If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches
If you have a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed the wrong number.
If the best place you can find to deer hunt is on the bike path.
If you know several people who have used their car to kill deer more than once.
If you see people wearing camouflage at social events, including weddings
If your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete deer in the front yard
If Vacation means going east or west on I 80
If you measure distance in minutes
If driving over 10 minutes is described as, "I drove all the way over to".
If driving is better when the potholes are filled with snow.
If you can drive 65 miles an hour though 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching.
If you design your children's Halloween costumes to fit over snowsuits.
If you install security lights on your house and garage, then leave both unlocked.
If you are unaware that there is a drinking age.
If your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed or larger garage.
If your car can automatically drive to Iowa City
If your idea of art is a yellow and black garage door with a hawk head on it.
If way down south is Missouri.
_________________________________________________________________________________________
MURPHY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way.
5. The easy way is always mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
7. Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a.When you are ready for them.
b. When you are not ready for them. them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore is pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
13. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you can do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but enemy, you are in a combat zone.
19. When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
21. Extra supplies are only for officers.
22. Winning is only defined by politicians.
23. Officers only listen to politicians.
24. Politicians only listen to voters and the enemy. Voters may be the enemy.
25. In a police action, by definition, you are surrounded by the enemy.
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In Davenport there was a very wealthy man. Over the years he had been very generous and at time had loaned out money to get young professionals a start in the community. In fact, he had loaned $5000 interest free each to a young Minister, a new Doctor and a beginning lawyer. The conditions were that they could use the money interest free for 10 to 30 years, if they would only promise to give the $5000 back and put it in the coffin upon the death of the wealthy man. Yes, he was superstitious and wanted to take it with him.
Time went by and the wealthy man died. 18 years had elapsed since he had made his generous loans. At the funeral home, the Doctor nervously fondled $5000 in his pocket. Giving back the $5000 to a dead man. No one would ever know if he kept it and used it for his child's college, or a vacation. However, a promise was a promise, so reluctantly, he took out a small stack of hundred dollar bills and placed them within the breast pocket of the wealthy man's suit.
The minister came in. He too had reservations. After all, he could do a lot of good for the poor or the church maintenance fund with the money. For a few minutes he fought with himself, but being a man of principle, he strolled over to the coffin and placed $5000 in the other breast pocket of the wealthy man.
In came the attorney. He had a look of deep remorse on his face. Immediately he strolled over to the coffin and bending over the wealthy man, he whispered something, turned around and left.
Outside the three recipients of earlier generosity met. The Minister confessed that he had a hard time putting the $5000 into the coffin and related how he could have used the money for the good of his congregation. The Doctor said, "He was relieved to hear that, because he too had faced the same dilemma, but reluctantly had put the money as promised into the coffin. The young attorney was flabbergasted. He berated his professional colleagues. "How can you be that selfish." "We had assistance given to us when we really needed it. Eighteen years later, we had a moral responsibility to keep our word and repay our just debt. How could you hesitate in repaying the money?"
The Doctor questioned, "You did not have a problem giving $5000 back to a dead man?" The attorney chirped, "Of course not." "I owed him the money and it was due and payable at his death. Not a problem." Of course, I need my records, so my cancelled check will be proof of my payment in full.
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Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom, seized Jim and pulled him out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately took the event to the Director of the hospital. Both agreed that Edna must be sane to have such presence of mind, and should be discharged immediately from the hospital. To know exactly what to do and act upon it meant that Edna was mentally stable.
When the Nurse went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that you are being discharged since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient. We have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness."
"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in his bathroom; right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he is dead!"
Edna replied, "He did not hang himself, I put him there to dry.....How soon can I go home?"
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Got a letter from Grandma the other day. Here is what she wrote:
The other day, I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If
You Love Jesus " bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I
had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting; so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed!
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't
notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus, because if he hadn't
honked, I'd never have noticed!
I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind me
started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and
screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! JESUS CHRIST, GO!"
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I
just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to
share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there, because I heard him
yelling something about a "sunny beach"...
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up
in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that
meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good
luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii; so I leaned out the window and gave
him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing... why even he
was enjoying this religious experience!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they
got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to
pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had
changed.
So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning, and drove on through
the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again, and I
felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared; so I slowed the car
down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!
Grandma
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Subject: Texas Political Science
Various political groups as defined by the "Two Cow" method:
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to
your neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor.
A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty
for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take
the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
you with milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you
the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a
bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one
tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live
for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka.
A MEXICAN CORPORATION: You think you have two cows, you would like to
have two cows but you don't know what a cow looks like. So you lease the factory
to a company from Japan or the United States to provide two cows..
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You
charge for storing them for others.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with
an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.
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LAWYERS
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer? She has an uncontrollable craving for baloney.
How does an attorney sleep? First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue.
What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
What do you call a lawyer gone bad? Senator.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
What do you throw to a drowning lawyer? His partners.
What does a lawyer use for birth-control? His personality.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton.
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IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, all our office phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that, since our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future outages by email (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and he didn't want them to cross there anymore.
IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,but they only had iceberg.
IDIOT SIGHTING #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
IDIOT SIGHTING #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually-challenged coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
IDIOT SIGHTING #3:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
IDIOT SIGHTING #4:
I work with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him couldn't understand why his system would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" To which he replied, "I know - I already got that side."
Now don't you feel better?
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FHA LOAN
A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down.
After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin."
Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):
"Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain.
The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition.
Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to hell you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our #@*%# loan?"
They got it.
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THE DEBATES
Just in case you missed the debate.............
Jim Lehrer: Welcome to the third presidential debate between Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. The candidates have agreed on these rules: I will ask a question. The candidate will ignore the question and deliver rehearsed remarks designed to appeal to undecided women voters. The opponent will then have one minute to respond by trying to frighten senior citizens into voting for him.
When a speaker's time has expired, I will whimper softly while he continues to spew incomprehensible statistics for three more minutes. Let's start with the vice president. Mr. Gore, can you give us the name of a downtrodden citizen and then tell us his or her story in a way that strains the bounds of common sense?
Gore: As I was saying to Tipper last night after we tenderly kissed, the way we have so often during the 30 years of our rock-solid marriage, the downtrodden have a clear choice in this election. My opponent wants to cut taxes for the richest 1 percent of Americans. I, on the other hand, want to put the richest 1 percent in an ironclad lockbox so they can't hurt old people like Roberta Frampinhamper, who is here tonight. Mrs. Frampinhamper has been selling her internal organs, one by one, to pay for gas so that she can travel to these debates and personify problems for me. Also, her poodle has arthritis.
Lehrer: Gov. Bush, your rebuttal.
Bush: Governors are on the front lines every day, hugging people, crying with them, relieving suffering anywhere a photo opportunity exists. I want to empower those crying people to make their own decisions, unlike my opponent, whose mother is not Barbara Bush.
Lehrer: Let's turn to foreign affairs. Gov. Bush, if Slobodan Milosevic were to launch a bid to return to power in Yugoslavia, would you be able to pronounce his name?
Bush: The current administration had eight years to deal with that guy and didn't get it done. If I'm elected, the first thing I would do about that guy is have Dick Cheney confer with our allies. And then Dick would present me several options for dealing with that guy. And then Dick would tell me which one to choose. You know, as governor of Texas, I have to make tough foreign policy decisions every day about how we're going to deal with New Mexico.
Lehrer: Mr. Gore, your rebuttal.
Gore: Foreign policy is something I've always been keenly interested in. I served my country in Vietnam. I had an uncle who was a victim of poison gas in World War I. I myself lost a leg in the Franco-Prussian War. And when that war was over, I came home and tenderly kissed Tipper in a way that any undecided woman voter would find romantic. If I'm entrusted with the office of president, I pledge to deal knowledgeably with any threat, foreign or domestic, by putting it in an ironclad lockbox. Because the American people deserve a president who can comfort them with simple metaphors.
Lehrer: Vice President Gore, how would you reform the Social Security system?
Gore: It's a vital issue, Jim. That's why Joe Lieberman and I have proposed changing the laws of mathematics to allow us to give $50,000 to every senior citizen without having it cost the federal treasury a single penny until the year 2250. In addition, my budget commits $60 trillion over the next 10 years to guarantee that all senior citizens can have drugs delivered free to their homes every Monday by a federal employee who will also help them with the child-proof cap.
Lehrer: Gov. Bush?
Bush: That's fuzzy math. I know, because as governor of Texas, I have to do math every day. I have to add up the numbers and decide whether I'm going to fill potholes out on Rt. 36 east of Abilene or commit funds to reroof the sheep barn at the Texas state fairgrounds.
Lehrer: It's time for closing statements.
Gore: I'm my own man. I may not be the most exciting politician, but I will fight for the working families of America, in addition to turning the White House oval office into a great parking spot with a view for Tipper and me.
Bush: It's time to put aside the partisanship of the past by electing no one but Republicans.
Lehrer: Good night.
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ROAD TRIP
One afternoon, this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.
The first guy rolls down the window and says, "How can I help you? "I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?" With a smile on his face, the first guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?" "I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?" Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop. Reluctantly, our guy decides to stop one last time, rolls down his window, and yells, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway, and just what the hell do you want to have?"
"Driver's license and registration, please."
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Best Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk
1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time-management course you sent me to."
3. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
4. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
5. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
6. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
7. "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work- related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
9. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
10. "The coffee machine is broke...."
11. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
12. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
13. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
14. "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."